Why There Are No Apologies (or Explanations)
As usual, I’m a teensy bit afraid to tell you this. But, already, I have to admit that that previous line is a bit of fakery.
I got hit by the Facebook-Drama truck recently. What a gift it was.
I've most of my 48 years cringing, wringing my hands and hanging back and hoping that you would like me. Please like me. And when I got old enough to speak my mind - um, at 35? - I also found that I would apologize and pacify - “Look, I have this opinion? and I um? Want to express it?”- states opinion and follows up with a lot of smiley faces and justifications why you should please please please still LIKE me even though we may disagree." Ew.
Last week I took a dramatic virtual lashing on my personal Facebook page for a post that ended with a promise to remain a force for good. It was just one troll but she really gave it to me. My phone detonated with the fiery support and love from many many people who were appalled. I defended my friends from the troll on my page. I argued my point and tried to remain kind to this person. On one hand I wanted to treat her with as much love as I could siphon out of my reeling soul while also maintaining the respect of my friends.
Later, I sat in the virtual wreckage with bits of cottony internet debris in my hair. What was the point of all that? Who was right and who was wrong? Would trophies be awarded? Who cares?
Yesterday I posted something to my personal wall and I wondered who would object and then I automatically added “shitty comments will be deleted” I fretted that people would be offended that said “shitty”. (“Hi! Father D.!’) I added a joke about that to soften it. But then I thought that I don't need to soften my desire on constructive approaches in our vitriolic world. and I am not taking any nonsense (see, I spared you a naughty word - you're welcome.)
So I popped back into my FB account and added that “those”comments will be deleted without explanation or apology.
Those four words strung together in a new way (for me) have just revolutionized my world.
Imagine no longer having to apologize or explain my thoughts or feelings? Is that a thing?
How did that happen? I don't know. But it felt really really good.
My resolution now - to live my life in my glorious and dramatic and loud fashion. To hug people on the street and not panic if a fresh word pops out. To continue to help others and be kind and do my thing - without apology or explanation.
I am not going to explain why oh why oh why you must agree with me.
I am not going to fret about how the world does not get me
Don't understand me.
Whisper behind my back.
Roll your eyes.
As for me. I move forward. Without apology or explanation.
Be yourself. Without apology or explanation. Comment below or email me here and tell me who you are and what you never need to justify again.
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